how can u be prego again
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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