For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
