I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
