these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
