I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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