conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
