So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to calm my uterus...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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