i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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