it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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