I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
