My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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