True but thats because hes a fetus.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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