The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
