we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
