I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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