I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
