Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
