I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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