My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize