So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm both gender and math confused
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
