the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
