Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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