I'm going to jail i love you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
