Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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