I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize