Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
