Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
