Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
