sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
