ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
