It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
