I can text with my tongue
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
