Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
