I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
