im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
ok first of all what the fuck
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
