he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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