U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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