He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
