I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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