I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Found the puke drawer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
