I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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