We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
