i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
