Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
