her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
