Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
