In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
