I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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