Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
