imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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