the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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