Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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