i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
