I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
