Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
