I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
