i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize