i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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