Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
