Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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