Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
