I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
