Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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