and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
