I'll bet she douches with gravy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
