why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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