piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
