Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
