Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
