he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
