Nicole vs. Life
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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