i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
