Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
