We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
