coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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