I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
