At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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