erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i came on her dog
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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