In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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