Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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