you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
