I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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